hmmm.

I'm a little bit frazzled right now. I'm pretty sure someone is trying to tell me I don’t have an ED. And that I'm doing this for attention. Really? Would I be posting on a website for ATTENTION?! If I wanted attention I would run around my school with a low cut shirt and booty shorts. If I wanted attention I would tell my parents how fucked up I am. If I wanted attention I wouldn't be updating a bunch of people I’ve never met in my life before, I would be calling those 50 guys who want to get in my pants. I’m sure you know who you are. And no, I am not doing this for attention.


Moving on. I’ve been less than 500 a day. For 9 days now I think? Maybe 10. Idk. I feel pretty weak a lot. Yesterday I’m pretty sure I almost blacked out. I saw stars and what not. Kinda scary. But on the other hand I feel great. I’m not letting anyone control me. Finally I’m controlling this. I can’t believe I binged my way up like 30 lbs. I feel like a failure for doing that. I wonder if there will come a point in time when I will do that again. I’m afraid of what lies ahead, but I’m gonna role with it. For now I’m concentrated on myself, the school work I have to do, how much I work, and college applications. Food is something I’m trying to not think about 24/7 anymore. I hate having to plan out my meal plans and then what I’m going to do to burn off the other calories. I just need to count the cals I do eat, try to keep it under 500, and work out a sane amount. I can do this. Sorry for the mini rant earlier. XX Sarah.