Pizza Anyone?

Oh how I’d love to have pizza. Not just one slice. The entire pizza. As you know. Daddy Dearest got pizza last night. It was so tempting. But I didn’t give in. today I had something for orchestra (which is why I couldn’t attend S's very cool tea party.. sorry) where basically we performed for the math department at our school. About 60 people. They gave us pizza as a thank you. “Sarah, why aren’t you eating?” Oh I already ate. I’ll just have some diet coke. Thanks though. “Ok, if you’re sure..” yep. Oh how I wanted that pizza so bad. I gave my friend Tony my pizza. He was high. He had at least 10 pieces. No joke. That’s more calories than I’ve had all week…

Driving home from the concert I was pulling into my neighborhood. I hear two honks. I look over. It’s Eddie. I get out of the turning lane and follow him. He has to drop off some money then he will call me. I hate it that he deals. He calls me shortly after. “What are you doing?” I’m at home. What are you doing? “Not sure yet. I might go to Brickhouse with some guys. ” Okay well call me after. “Wanna smoke real quick?” No thanks, maybe later tonight. Hell yes I would love to smoke. Only I might pass out if I do. I’ve hardly eaten today. I don’t want to pass out though, because then you will know something is wrong, I will spill my guts out to you about my ED and then you will never talk to me again. Or you will tell someone and I will end up in an insane asylum. “You’re gonna fall asleep by the time I’m done.” No I won’t, I promise.

I talked to my friend Mike about spring break yesterday. We skyped for over 4 hours. It was crazy. I think we might just go to the Bahamas. Maybe Cancun. Or we might stay in the U.S. and just rent a lake or beach house out for the week. One problem. He’s a guy. He likes me. A lot. We’re friends.. but I have trust issues. Last time I stayed with a guy friend, he raped me. So honestly I don’t see this happening. Especially if it’s just the two of us. He’s a great guy, but things can go really wrong really fast. I feel bad saying that I would go, because originally I didn’t see a problem with it. But now I’m taking that back. He’s gonna be so sad. He keeps texting me about how excited he is. Sorry.
Intake:

B: Turkey Slices (28)
L: Tuna Salad (194)
D: Chicken stir-fry w/ broccoli and 1 slice of cheese (242)

Burned off: (191)
Net Cals: (464)
Net Carbs: 9.8

Stay Strong ~XX Sarah

New Header (:

Check it out. I look gap toothed, I'm not I swear, it was just the lighting I guess.. I'll take better pics soon.

So I’m on the phone with Eddie. He makes me so happy. I’m all smiles right now. And before he called me I was in a very bad mood. I was thinking about cutting a lot today. Suicidal thoughts, the whole kit and caboodle (spl?). Honestly if I wasn’t doing so well restricting my cals and carbs I probably would’ve done something. Control is the only thing keeping me going right now. I have bruises on the back of my arms from when Daddy Dearest grabbed me. I told Eddie this. This is the first time I’ve ever told anyone about anything personal. I told him about the whole fight. He didn’t really say anything about it; then again what’s he supposed to say. I’m just glad he was there to listen. He told me how he has really strong feelings for me, even though he has a girlfriend. The fact that I’m only 17 really gets to him though. He’s 22. But he’s such a sweet guy. Sometimes I wish we were together. I don’t think it would work though. He’s been with two of my best friends (they’re 21) and idk it would just be weird. Anyways he makes me happy. (:


I stuck to the plan today with the food and all. Work was alright. I burned about 400 cals which is good. T wasn’t a complete ass either. Just a partial ass.

What DID piss me off today was that my brother took my laptop up to St. Louis Bread Co. (Panera for you guys not in the STL.. idk why it’s called that.. maybe it was made here?) and HELLO…?! ALL of my ED stuff is on here. Half of your blogs are on my favorites tabs, mine included. It could have been hell had he gone on my account rather than the guest one. I found out he was on it because a friend of mine saw him at Bread Co with it.. and she texted me. My brother’s gonna get an earful and a half tomorrow.

Tomorrows Plan:

B: Same as today (296)

L: Tuna w/ light sour cream and lettuce (225)

D: Chicken and Broccoli (168)

Total of (689) 15 net carbs.