Gobble Gobble.

Today I got to school at third hour. I couldn’t get out of bed because I stayed up so late last night. As I mentioned previously, Daddy Dearest is in Chicago, so my mom tried to get me out of bed. Words or profanity and insults flew in one ear and out the other. I’m getting good at not taking what she says to heart. She calls my dad and tells him “I’m not calling her out of school” at least 10 times. Even though we both know she will. Because she has to. Her words fade as I fall back asleep. I wake up a few hours later to a vacuum cleaner. She couldn’t give two shits about me. I had a missed call from my dad. And a voicemail, “Sarah this is dad I know you’re sad when I’m gone on a trip, but uh that you’re so depressed that you have to stay home you know that’s going a little bit overboard. Anyways give me a call there seems to be a problem here and uh we can talk about it. So I’m all ears until about quarter after 10 then I have to work then we can talk this evening otherwise. I love you. Bye.” Whatever. I don’t call back or even text. My mom calls me into school and I get there half way through my Orchestra class. Just in time to not have to take the playing test I totally forgot about.


Every time I get stand up from my desk at school things get fuzzy. I feel tingling all over. I see spots and stars. I love this. I fucking love this feeling better than anything in the world. I’m high off life, and that’s cool. I know this means I need to drink or eat. I drink like a fish though. Tea, water, Coke Zero, coffee. That’s what keeps me going. I know I need to eat more. But I don’t want to. I thought about binging today for the first time in over a week. It didn’t take long for me to decide against it.

Advice please? Hannah invited me to her family thanksgiving. She said they eat a lot and they play football too. I would have so much fun going, plus her cousins are super-hot. Except I’m nervous about the food. And the football. I’m really weak lately so football is going to be tough. I don’t want to eat a lot and even though Hannah knows I’m on a diet, she’s going to expect me to eat a ton. It would be rude not to. I hate the holidays. They all revolve around food. Ugh. So the question is… do I stay at home and control what I eat (probably just turkey) or do I go with Hannah and her family and have a ton of fun yet have to eat a lot?

I can tell I’m losing weight now. The spring boards are starting to poke at my hip bones and my butt bones. I missed this because it means I’m not obese. Eventually I will start to bruise from my bed like u used to. My knees will start to bruise each other from lying on my side because they are so boney. My lips will turn blue like they once were. And my nails (which are always painted for this reason) will have a strong blue tinge to them. Skinny here I come.

Today’s Intake:
B: Chicken Stir-fry (137)
L: Chicken Stir-fry (127)
D: Steak Salad (205)
Burned off: (434)
Net Cals: (35)
Net Carbs: 14.5