It’s the third day of school. It’s already been a pretty eventful day. We had a fire “drill” even though it wasn’t a drill. But there wasn’t a fire.. There was smoke coming up from our sewer system because the plumbers did something? Idiots. Well at least we got out of 35 minutes of 2nd hour (I have multimedia blocked this hour and first hour on B days). Anyways, I told myself at the end of the school year I would be 116 pounds at this time. I’m not. I’m 160. I sit with my friend S in the senior lounge. Its lunch. She scarfs down junk food after junk food. She’s overweight. I love you dearly, but my friend; you are my reverse thinspo.
I go to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. So fat. Such a failure. I will not eat today. This weight has to go.
Last year I did anything possible to avoid lunch in the cafeteria, surrounded by the girls and boys who run their mouths uncontrollably. I did anything to avoid lunch period. My school is gossip whore.
Luckily this year S was my way out. She doesn’t like eating in the cafeteria. She doesn’t question why I don’t eat lunch at school. I only had to tell her once that I eat when I get home or go to work.
The last bell rings and I rush to my family minivan. My car is in the shop. I look at the time; 2:58. I have to be at work in two minutes. Technically I’m late because I’m not early. I throw my mismatched socks and old cheer shoes on while driving 55 mph on a 40 mph street. I don’t want to get in trouble with the manager for being late. I park in the Subway parking lot. Answer a call from work wondering where I am, change as quickly as possible in the car, and then book it across the parking lot to work. I clock in at 3:10, not bad considering it’s 5-6 minutes fast.
The day goes by relatively quickly from this point on. Work is slow, not many customers to make sandwiches for, but a lot of stuff to prep and clean. We close at 9:00, I’m taking a coworker home by 9:45. I call S back because I’m not allowed to use my cell at work. She needs help with physics and asks to come over.
I come home and put my dinner in the fridge. A tuna salad. I throw the tuna away and keep my veggies, that way I won’t be tempted to binge. I go back to the car to get the rest of my stuff from school. I can’t find it. Guess that’s what happens when I decide to be stupid and don’t use a backpack. I must’ve forgotten it in my 7th hour, intro to business. Great. I have so much homework and now I’m screwed. Good thing most of my assignments are online.
I let my rabbit outside so he can go potty. Before I even have time to think about cleaning my room, S pulls up to my house. I help her with Physics for about 40 minutes and then we call E on speaker phone. I try to talk some sense into her because she’s back together (not officially but will be soon) with her ex who has cheated on her multiple times, verbally abuses her by putting her down and making her feel like she will never do better, and has even popped (hit)her in the arm. I tell her I won’t go through what I went through last year. Being her friend one month and not the next because of this boy she has uncontrollably strong feelings for will not be okay my senior year. She surprisingly doesn’t beg for me to be her friend, like she usually does because she needs me. I guess she knew I was serious this time, I’m really done. She says “well, I guess that’s it,” and I click.
S leaves after we discuss what just happened. I walk her to her car and decide I need to work out. Even though my body is screaming for a break after 7 hours of school, and a 6.28 (to be exact) hour shift of being on my feet nonstop, I go for a short run. As I stride with my long legs, I feel the fat jiggle. I haven’t run in a very long time. The last time I ran, I didn’t have this excessive flab. I will get back there. Watch me shrink to perfection.
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