ABC Day 1.

So I’m doing the ABC with a friend. Well a texting buddy that I’ve had for a while. So I consider her a friend. *shout out to tay!!* I’m not sure how long I’ll stick to it, or if I even really like the diet, but it’s structure and I need that now more than ever. Last night I was crying uncontrollably for a few hours. I don’t know why, I guess I’m just extremely depressed. I keep thinking about suicide, but I know that’s the easy way out. Sometimes I seriously would rather take the easy way.. even though it’s rather cowardly. I texted my sister, who is in her 6th year of college majoring in children’s psychology and I told her I think I’m depressed. Pretty much she responded telling me that depression is clinical and there aren’t really any good drugs out there to help me with it. She said that since it’s clinical, it will go away. She also said it will come back. She told me that there wasn’t much I could do, other than talk to a therapist unless I’m having thought about hurting myself. I would obviously never tell her I’ve cut myself. Or that I used to used drugs and alcohol to numb my pain. Or that I have an ED. So I just thanked her for her advice and ended the conversation there.


I don’t understand why I feel so alone, or why I break down uncontrollably. The only thing I do know is that you can’t make yourself happy with food. No matter how much ice cream I have, I will not be a happier person; I will just be a fatter one.

Food:
2/3 6” Steak Sub – 260
1 Chicken Salad – 140
1/2 Pear – 67
1/2 oz. Chicken Teriyaki – 20

487 Cal total.

Feeling: stressed but optimistic

Hunger level: 1