Long Time No Post.

And I apologize for that. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. Really I’ve just been trying to keep myself out of the house. Me and my parents haven’t had the best of relationships. We fight. A lot. I think it’s mostly because we just never see eye to eye. About anything.. ever. Our therapist we went to a few times thinks it’s because I put up a wall -- which I did – when I was younger and my parents were having marriage problems. But I personally just think it’s because we have nothing in common. I like to party, do anything artsy while on the other hand my mom never drinks and my dad is an engineer. You probably can see how we don’t really click.. we don’t exactly have similar interests?

Anyways. Enough about that. Let’s talk about music. Music is an escape for me. I can blast it from my PC – which might I add has AMAZING audio quality – and tune out my dad yelling. Like he has been all weekend. There’s always something he seems to be mad about lately. And I just try to stay as far as possible from him before I get myself into trouble. I like all kinds of music. I used to be a strictly rap and R&B girl, but I think I love every style of music now. Except heavy metal screamo stuff. Now I look at music as an art, a story with a meaning behind it. They’re quite amazing when you peel off layers of a song to find the true meaning. I love that.

Food. I’m not doing the ABC anymore. I don’t know how or why I stopped. I just did. I binged the next day. Then just restricted again. I’ve purged a few times but I’m trying not to let myself do that.. I hated being bulimic. I almost always cry when I throw up just because it’s SO gross. Sorry to all the consistent purgers out there, it’s just not for me. I’m not sure how much I weigh. I’m scared to see. It’s weird because I used to be so obsessed with weighing myself, now I’m not.

Boys. I hung out with E last night. We went on a smoke drive and then we just parked and talked for a while. A cop circled around our car a few times which scared the bloody hell out of me, and I’m pretty sure it scared him too! Oh, he finally admitted to me that he deals again. I just want him to be safe. I hope he doesn’t get caught again. He could end up in prison. He will end up in prison if he gets caught again actually. That scares me. I know he’s making a lot of money though because he’s selling his old – still very new – car this week. He wants a Jeep srt8 or a Trail Blazer SS. I personally think he should get the Jeep. I love Jeeps. It’s an expensive car though, I looked up the price and it’s like $40,000+!! Then again dealers make hella bank.

Homework. That’s what I’m about to do -- peace love and skinny yall!


Today I had:

1 Steak Salad w/ Dressing – 279 cals

2 Apples – 172 cals

1 Potato w/ Salsa & 1 Chocolate Rice Cake – 205

Banana Milkshake (homemade) - 167

Total: 823 :(

but I burned off 400! (:

Mood: optimistic.

Hunger Level: 0